Wednesday, 24 October 2018

You can learn a lot of things from the flowers

I took these photos about a month ago, I can never resist sunflowers. Did you notice that my dress is covered in Moomin characters? I love a bit of subtle whimsy. The autumn colours have been amazing this year, although I do wish that they'd hold on for just a tiny bit longer. I've begun taking my camera out with me everyday as it's been so different from day to day.

I wrote before about how nostalgic I've been feeling for the internet of old, which has ended up in me going back to LiveJournal, ha! I've always had my account but only used it occasionally in recent years, and honestly it feels like such a breath of fresh air to be back. I have 10 years of my life on there and have been reminising over old entries and it's made me happy in the most wonderful way. If you're unfamiliar, LiveJournal is essentially another blogging platform but it's always had more the feel of a personal scrapbook than a curated blog with a theme where each post has to serve a purpose. Which I guess is why it's fallen out of favour in recent years, as people don't want that level of authenticity anymore. It feels very liberating to have a space to talk about anything, and I think it's a good balance for me as I can post the more aesthtic, curated stuff over here, and more generally over there. It's perfect!

Monday, 22 October 2018

Eyes take heed the colours call

Back over the summer I bought a secondhand film camera as I've always enjoyed photography but have felt inspired to try more film. I've been feeling jaded with digital, and how I feel more focused with taking 10 shots of the same thing to get a perfect photo instead of just enjoying seeing. Although I know how to manually adjust a camera I'm still getting the hang of my Olympus OM-10 as previously I've only ever used disposable film cameras. This was my first roll of film, and I'm actually pleased with how it's come out! I'm hoping to perhaps shoot a roll and film a month, but I guess we'll see as it's pretty expensive to get film developed nowadays (and I don't foresee using the medium enough to invest in self developing)

Wednesday, 10 October 2018

Social media is becoming less and less sociable

emily temple cute falling alice Yuko Higuchi japanese fashion jfashion mori girl otome
emily temple cute falling alice Yuko Higuchi japanese fashion jfashion mori girl otome

Although the glorious sunny weather of today does match these photos, I admit I took them a couple of weeks ago but have been too busy to sit and type out a post until now. I had surgery on my dominant arm this past Friday to remove a plate that was holding it together, so I've had a busy couple of weeks trying to do everything I could in preparation for not being able to do a lot.

The most difficult part of having to have such an inactive October is the fact that I feel I'm missing out on my favourite season. I'm incredibly limited at the moment as my forearm is full of holes so could snap very easily which is a scary thought! I can't even draw which I'm definitely finding the hardest. Not that I haven't gone for longer than this without drawing before, but I've recently come out of a period of art block and so typically am feeling incredibly inspired at the moment. I feel so much happier with the artwork I'm creating, and although skill and style-wise I'm not where I'd ideally like to be, just feeling inspired to do something about that is pretty huge for me.

emily temple cute falling alice Yuko Higuchi japanese fashion jfashion mori girl otome
dress - emily temple cute | underskirt - axes femme | boots - new look | necklace - bunnyhell | all else thrifted

I've been devouring TheGothicAlice's sketchbook tour videos, a genre of YouTube video that I usually detest as they're usually so unrealistic and impractical with perfectly curated finalised illustrations on every page. Sketchbooks are supposed to be messy, to be full of ideas and experimentation, and that's exactly what TheGothicAlice's are - something personal that she carries around daily and treats just as much like a journal as a sketchbook. It's got me itching to return to drawing everyday like I used to and stopped me from feeling so intimidated by it's blank pages as I loose that toxic idea that it has to be perfect and cohesive for some imaginary audience to enjoy. This feeling of wanting to draw every day has only been reinforced by re-watching Leigh Ellexson's videos about her 365 project where she drew every day and seeing how much it improved her artwork. I really want to do something similar, but not to share online like she did, just keep it for me. I know I lose a sense of accountability this way, but I'm rather tired of this modern idea that everything a creative makes has to be shared and put up for public opinion and consumption.

I've been thinking a lot about internet culture lately, and the unsocialness of social media. I remember a few years ago my favourite blogger switched off comments to her blog and at the time I felt completely perplexed - her blog was popular and received hundreds of comments to each entry, it blew my mind that she wouldn't want that. But now I get it, as I realise that social media isn't as sociable as we're lead to believe. It's become warped into this attention seeking space, as if attention and interaction are the same thing which it isn’t. Wanting to express yourself and share your interests with potential like minded people doesn’t mean you want to open yourself up to unsolicited advice and people making assumptions based on the slither of yourself you present online. The actual community aspect of social media is rapidly disappearing and I’ve grown weary of the constant bids for attention that come with being online. Internet culture has us in constant competition with each other, instead of just befriending one another.

I've been just as guilty of this in the past as I've suffered with feelings of impostor syndrome and have sought validation online. I mentioned before how I've spent the past few months rediscovering some old interests and passions which has made me feel happier than I have in absolutely years (which is no doubt why the art block has lifted!). And a rather nice side effect of rediscovering this old part of my life is that it's making me even more nostalgic than usual for the internet of old and reminding me of online life before ‘influencers’ and follower counts mattered, when we’d interact on forums and support each other with no 'follow for follow' ulterior motive (I long for the days of forums with tight knit fan communities and intricately crafted graphics; back when we'd self-learn HTML and PHP just to build fan sites from scratch, and spend hours creating icons and graphics for LiveJournal). Whilst I may not be able to regress the internet back 10 years, I think a lot of my happiness is stemming from this nostalgia and losing the absurd need try and impress anyone. I've learnt to stop caring as I'm no longer looking for popularity or validation, I'm not looking to be the best, or the biggest fan, or anything like that, I'm just enjoying stuff that I'm absurdly passionate about again. And I'm reminded of that favourite blogger who switched off comments, and I get it now - because sometimes that outside interference can ruin things.

I've realised that this is why I've struggled with blogging in recent years. It's become something ridiculous where you have to show off in order to be interesting, but that's not what interests me. I don't care how much you spend on your clothing or art supplies, I don't care how many times you've seen your favourite stage production or band, and I'm utterly bored of people constantly trying to be an expert and act like the single biggest fan of a particular thing. Life isn't a competition to be won or lost. Let's have less shouting, less boasting. Take things slow, just enjoy stuff, and create things just for you because you want to and no other reason.

emily temple cute falling alice Yuko Higuchi japanese fashion jfashion mori girl otome
to top